36. People Pleaser or Manipulator?
Jul 19, 2022In this episode, Certified Life & Weight Loss Coach Kara Hackleman delves into the concept of people-pleasing and how it can unintentionally become a form of manipulation. Kara explains that when we do things to elicit a response or control how others feel, we’re often seeking validation outside ourselves. If you find yourself constantly striving to please others, even at your own expense, this episode offers insights to help you take back emotional responsibility and find self-validation.
Key Points Covered:
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Understanding People Pleasing vs. Manipulation
- Kara introduces the idea that people-pleasing is sometimes a form of “people manipulation,” where actions are taken to control others’ responses.
- She highlights how seeking gratitude, approval, or validation from others can actually lead to feelings of resentment and unworthiness.
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Recognizing the Intent Behind Your Actions
- How to identify whether your actions are genuinely out of kindness or if there’s an expectation tied to them.
- Kara shares questions to ask yourself, like “Am I doing this to get a specific reaction?” to help clarify your intentions.
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Taking Emotional Responsibility for Yourself
- Why it’s essential to understand that only you can create your feelings through your thoughts—not other people’s responses.
- Kara emphasizes the power of self-validation, reminding listeners that their worth is not determined by external acknowledgment.
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Learning to Let Go of Expectations
- Practical strategies for releasing the need for others’ responses, allowing you to act without disappointment if things don’t go as planned.
- How setting boundaries can help you stay aligned with your goals and needs without depending on others’ reactions.
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Practicing Self-Validation and Building Self-Worth
- Techniques for building a mindset of self-worth that doesn’t rely on external praise or validation.
- Kara suggests affirmations and self-encouragement practices that can reinforce your own sense of value, independent of others.
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Curiosity and Self-Reflection as Tools for Growth
- Kara encourages using curiosity to understand why you might seek validation from others and how to create those feelings within yourself.
- Reflecting on past behaviors, understanding their motivations, and identifying personal growth opportunities to break free from people-pleasing patterns.
Resources & References Mentioned:
- Self-Validation Worksheet: Exercises to practice validating your own emotions and building self-worth from within.
- Emotional Responsibility Journal Prompts: Prompts designed to help you explore your motivations and understand the thoughts behind your need for external validation.
Kara’s episode on people-pleasing and emotional responsibility reminds us that our feelings are our own responsibility. By understanding the motivations behind our actions and focusing on self-validation, we can build healthier relationships with ourselves and others. For more guidance on building self-worth and emotional independence, visit Kara’s website and join a community focused on self-growth.
Connect with Kara:
Ready to stop people-pleasing and start taking responsibility for your feelings? Join Kara’s coaching program for personalized support, and follow her on social media for tips on building self-worth, setting boundaries, and embracing emotional resilience.
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Show Notes & Special Links
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